Performer: Maria Tea
Photograph by: Vangelis Lympouridis
Show: Clownfish
Venue: Bar-Bados
Promoter:  Indie

Tell me about your Edinburgh show.

It’s called clownfish. It is meant to be a series of clown sketches. In the end we’ll all kill each other- I’m joking. It’ll be ten in the night and in Edinburgh I think no one has a mind left at that time- so it’s kinda slapstick and silly and rough. And it’s not ready. How funny!

Tell me about your first gig.

So, I did a gig as part of a comedy course- and that was in angel in a pub. I felt great when I was doing it. Did this thing where I put a hula-hoop cracker in my finger- then made it disappear with my lips- and then found it again! I was so happy doing that!

Do you have any rituals before going on stage?

I shit myself! 🙂 can u say that? but I do it on stage! noo. Enough coarse humour!! so I do everything wrong: I watch all other acts- which means I’m drained and I really don’t feel like doing any comedy when my turn comes. That is if I’m late in the bill. If I’m early- I’m usually light and airy- and happy I’m getting it over with. So, I can then sit and enjoy the gig.

Tell me about your best and worst review.

I haven’t had any reviews! I mean – I don’t think anyone has ever written about me!

Verbally – there was a guy at a gig in LA – he was very British and very well-spoken and he said to me, he’s a director of a theatre – can’t remember – in London- and that everything I did was great – the tone – the style – the jokes-. I was pretty happy. And the worst review: it was not a review – it was a reaction – I said a joke to two friends that asked me to ‘’make them laugh’’ – so the one laughed a lot and the other one shocked and angry went: that is not funny!!

During this Edinburgh run, do you plan to read reviews of your show?

Yes. I plan to read reviews and wipe my ass with them. It’s a yoga joke. You really shouldn’t get attached to the fruits of your actions. I mean it’s endlessly satisfying to make people laugh – but is that why you doin’ it? Don’t u wanna make yourself laugh sometimes?

How do you feel about reviewers generally?

I think I’m a pretty good reviewer. I just keep them to myself. I have nothing good to say- almost always. I mean there are genius acts and moments I really enjoy, and I usually tell the people what I like-when it’s true. But I guess u can experience a moment being in your head- or just being there. Not sure what reviewers do for living- but I mean- I read reviews of books and shows that I vet seen and I’m like- really- that blew your mind? That is the funniest book u read? That’s the comedian of the year? Don’t know. When they are overtly positive I feel reassured about ‘’the mainstream is shit’’. When they are negative- I guess I don’t read any negative reviews. Or enough. It’s sad obviously when a reviewer says something negative for the artist isn’t it. But it s all a matter of perspective.

In April 2018, YouTube comedian, Markus Meechan (aka Count Dankula) was fined £800 for training his girlfriend’s pug dog to do a Nazi salute with its paw, in response to the phrase ‘Gas the Jews’. Do you believe Meechan committed a criminal offence, and why?

Hmm. so, what did the dog do? These dogs can’t breath. that’s bad enough. Who said that: Jews? Do not cross them. I generally don’t go out of my way to offend people- but I also don’t monitor myself when it comes to whom I offend. I mean really- u can’t censor your truth. If that’s what the artist wants to do- my theory is- if u thought it- share it. I have an off limit kinda approach when it comes to art. I made a joke once, and I introduced it like that: I said- I wanna make a bad joke- but I don’t want to go to prison. I guess in the name of free speech and comedian’s intention to make people laugh- jail time should not be an option.

Are there any subjects that are not suitable for comedy?

No. Just like that.

Have you ever gone too far?

Yes. All the time. It’s why I do it. Where is the line? I mean it’s funny not to laugh out loud but consider it later. My jokes are the jokes of tomorrow 🙂

Looking back over your time as a comedian, tell me about the best gig of your career.

I did a gig at heads and chickens- and I was making this joke about bumblebees – and how they carry cum in their handbags- and how I thought I was weird. There was this lady that she kept clutching her bag with both her hands- and that for me was very funny to watch.